Are live in relationships a way to go

December 4, 2016, 8:43 am

Agree21 Disagree23

48%
52%

The debate "Are live in relationships a way to go" was started by harshita on December 4, 2016, 8:43 am. 21 people are on the agree side of this discussion, while 23 people are on the disagree side. That might be enough to see the common perception. It looks like most people are against to this statement.

harshita posted 6 arguments, PoliticsAsUsual posted 2 arguments to the agreers part.
pk posted 6 arguments, neveralone posted 4 arguments to the disagreers part.

harshita, Demimi, WolfiesMom, RogueAmerican, PoliticsAsUsual, Islam, Rajat and 14 visitors agree.
pk, neveralone, akkubbm, juniorsnow14 and 19 visitors disagree.

neveralone
replied to...

either way in the abuse situation it's a long process. guys who abuse usually r control freaks and they won't like that u r going away. there is a high chance of hurting u. at least with a divorce u can get police help more likely and u will have almost constant check up. also as a side note if u go into a relationship leaving a door to escape then it won't work. it is important in every relationship to have trust.

2 years, 8 months ago
Radhikadhawan
replied to...

You must know with marriage comes responsibilities.. If one doesn't want them cohabilitation is a solution.. And plus I think you r not getting my point.. If there is abuse in a marriage there is a long process for getting separated.. Divorces take a long time.. But suppose if in a relation a woman realises she is being abused, sooner or later, she can easily move out..

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

yes it does. but in live in relationships it has been proven to be more likely. probably(idk if really) it's because in a live in relationship there is less commitment and ur less likely to see that child as urs if it genetically isn't. again could be for diff. reasons. u said that it should suit there needs but I'm curious what needs does marriage not suit but cohabitation does? unless u think the relationship won't last and ur doing it for the sex.
on a side note that is how most abuse women feel. my mom was in denial about being abused till she was forced by the court to go and these are statistics from them. to start with my mom didn't think she needed to be there until she I guess decided she was being abused. for obvious reasons she doesn't talk to her kids about it. and yes it was my father who did it to her. and yes I still love/hate him. it's complicated and would like to skip it.

2 years, 8 months ago
Radhikadhawan
replied to...

I guess that is more likely a perspective... All women are not like that.. And If women think that, it is not necessary they won't think the same in case of marriages.. That I must be at fault.. It is really not making any sense.. Abuses take place all the time.. Whether marriage or relationship... U can really not generalise.. It depends from person to person

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

no it's not. in abuse situation the woman will most likely blame herself and say he was having a bad day, he's not always like this, it was my fault, ect. I know this because my mom was a abuse victim.

2 years, 8 months ago
Radhikadhawan
replied to...

If abuse is 4 times more in cohabitation then separating is also 4 times easier than marriages.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

yes but it has shown that abuse is 4 times more likely in cohabitation (live in relationships real name). and a bunch more. there less likely to succeed since their is only a house keeping them together unlike in marriage where u proclaim it to everyone and sign a contract.
why would somone not look at marriage when thinking of cohabitation?

2 years, 8 months ago

I really believe in democratic ideas.. N according to me there is no such thing as live in relationships being bad in Indian culture.. I m also an Indian... Everyone ought to have their own space... It is also possible Mr. Pk that some people in our culture don't believe in things like this as if you want to make love you must be married.. N neveralone the cases u r trying to prove from so long of failures of live in relationships can be true for marriages as well.... That is why divorces take place... Isn't it??

2 years, 8 months ago

hi pk r u an indian

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

ok . sorry.

2 years, 8 months ago
pk
replied to...

Cool!! I just wanted to know ur culture..that's it...not with an intention to discriminate...Grow up!!

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

why do you want my culture? Instead of talking about cultures, treating people equally irrespective of race, religion ,caste and sect, should be one's culture in today's modern world.

2 years, 8 months ago

its not illegal in my culture.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

though marriage obviously has some cases.

2 years, 8 months ago

India is one of the most religiously and ethnically diverse countries on the planet. they were never a united country, let alone a united culture, until fairly recently.

now maybe cohabitation is banned in all Indian cultures, I really don't know. but let's not pretend there is just one Indian culture.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

look just about anywhere and somehow cohabitation either leads or follows bad stuff. unlike marriage

2 years, 8 months ago

What z ur culture? @Blue ray

2 years, 8 months ago
pk
replied to...

Stupid decision?

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

to be honest, even i didnt knew about it. It sucks. mine's culture doesnt have these things though.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

wait so it was really illegal to live together in India? that's messed up. I mean I know it's a stupid decision but people should still be able to choose.

2 years, 8 months ago
pk
replied to...

Indian culture is one...Chinese,portuguese,french etc settled in india..Their culture is not related to our culture..They have got a different culture and we have got a different one
....In our indian culture, Live in relationships are strictly prohibited..In our culture,we give utmost respect to a relationship like marriage.. Marriage joins two individuals for life so that they can pursue dharma(duty), artha(possessions), kama( physical desires) and moksha(ultimate spiritual release) together..It is a sacred union of two individuals as husband and wife ...But still unfortunately it has become legalised in India too..

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

I think he meant native American but idk. but a source would be nice.

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

as a whole, i mean to say that i dont know much or to be honest anything about my culture. So saying 'relationships are against our(Indian) culture' doesnt make any sense to me. it would be better, if you could tell about the culture you are talking about. Also please backup everything from legitimate source.

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

i mean india is too diverse--- chinese,naga,mizos,goans,assamese,nepalese,anglo-indians,portugese,french,north indians,telugus,bengalis....etc. which culture are you talking about? it varies from culture to culture

2 years, 8 months ago
Blue_ray
replied to...

wait, i dont even know Indian culture. what are you talking about? be specific.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

ok

2 years, 8 months ago

It's very clear!! Live in relationships are against Indian culture..If we really value our culture,we dont get into such relationships

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

could u explain. I don't understand what you are saying

2 years, 8 months ago

Live in relationship is not an Indian culture....We Indians ,are proud of our culture,our scriptures, Epics .....Is this what we have learned so far from them ??

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

do u have any sites saying diff.?

2 years, 8 months ago

this is a pretty good example of why you need to check references. the first study the reference, they don't name it and the link leads nowhere. for all I know they made it up.

the second study was run by thr National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy whose mission statement says they want to promote children born into two parent homes. they set out to twist the stats to say what they want them to.

for example they said that cohabiting couples tend to be lower on the socio economic scale. they also say that they are more likely to report being unhappy compared to married people. the obvious conclusion is that married couples are more likely to be better off economically and therefore more stable.

they assume that it is being married that is the important factor and not the fact that the people who decide not to marry tend to be poor and struggling. they twisted the stats to try to prove what they want them to.

2 years, 8 months ago

http://family-studies.org/for-kids-parental-cohabitation-and-marriage-are-not-interchangeable/
here's a better site. wish I could just show the charts but the app won't do it.

2 years, 8 months ago

I will try to explain better. your source took statistics out of context to try to validate their own position. the study they are citing was not aimed at examining the effects of cohabitation, therefore they did not put any controls in place to examine it.

my example was to show you what happens when you take statistics out of context. the vast majority of abuse happens in homes where there is a man living there. it is obviously not what the research was trying to address, but it is true. but it would be rediculous to try to draw conclusions from it. I was attempting to point out you are drawing conclusions from data taken out of context.

2 years, 8 months ago

idk what u r saying on ur last paragraph please explain.

it shows that this is one though. sure theirs other causes like being an drunk or doing drugs. that's why we warn agaisnt these things when kids are involved.

2 years, 8 months ago

those stats say that there is more abuse in cohabitation situations. but they were not designed to examine that. there could be many other factors that are the real cause.

ie. the vast majority of abuse happens when men live in the home. so if you don't let men live with children abuse would stop. that is a complete abuse of the data, but statistically it is correct.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-att-us&site=&source=hp&ei=aDFQWLvNCqWc0gKw35fABA&q=cohabitation+abuse+statistics&oq=cohabitation+abuse+stat&gs_l=mobile-gws-hp.1.0.33i21k1.367179.374374.0.375375.26.25.0.11.11.0.759.5395.0j18j3j2j0j1j1.25.0....0...1.1.64.mobile-gws-hp..3.23.2462.3..0j41j0i131k1j0i22i30k1j33i160k1.5F8OySfM7is
https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/societal-issues/cohabitation-part-1-of-2
just look up cohabitation and violence statistics if u want more.
I'm not saying it's the only problem I'm saying it is a part of the problem. the facts stand behind this idea

2 years, 8 months ago

you are using someone else's attempt to skew research to support your argument. you have pointed to one aspect of an issue and ignored everything else.

there are alot if variables that could cause increases in abuse that you are ignoring. you are focusing solely on the cohabitation. perhaps these people are just poorer, which the study said was the primary predictor of abuse.

2 years, 8 months ago

Not being married is alright. that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying cohabitation has been known to have bad effects not good.

2 years, 8 months ago

I could use those same statistics to say that the vast majority of abuse happens when men live in the home. so the obvious answer is for women to raise the children with no men present.

see how easy it is to twist statistics if you take them out of the original context?

2 years, 8 months ago

I took a quick look at the actual study. I'm not sure where they pulled those stats from. I didn't see them. the study says that the strongest factor in abuse is socioeconomic.

so you are pointing out unmarried mothers and saying the fact that they aren't married is the problem, when the study you are referencing is saying that them being poor is the problem. that study does not directly support your argument as far as I can tell.

2 years, 8 months ago

2011 recent enough?

2 years, 8 months ago

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/04/3181/

2 years, 8 months ago

provide a source for that statement. you can't just throw out random made up statistics in a debate. you aren't Donald Trump.

2 years, 8 months ago

there's not only one but several. almost every time u pick up the newspaper in America it's there. idk about India where I think u live.(idk if that's really where u live). u have the outlier but nine times out of ten it's the boyfriend.also what needs does live in relationships fulfill?

2 years, 8 months ago
harshita
replied to...

tell me the story of the abused kid

2 years, 8 months ago
harshita
replied to...

tell me

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

how so. what makes live in relationships superior? all the facts and relationships I've seen point to marriage. I mean I could go pick up a newspaper right now and I bet u if i find a abused kid story it will be a boyfriend who abused the kid of the lady he was living with.

2 years, 8 months ago

if both persons are perfect for each other then live in relationship is not a bad thing

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

what needs exactly?

2 years, 8 months ago

Marriage makes it difficult to separate and live in relationships makes it difficult to always stay together... Doesn't it just depend on everyone's needs??

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

I wouldn't say it would be harder more like it would be a diff. excuse. but talking about leaving in marriage u can clearly put what urs and what's ur partners so if u do divorce ur alright. plus the child thing

2 years, 8 months ago

bring married makes it a lot harder to leave an abusive relationship. I'm not saying it is easy to leave one the rest of the time.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

that's not the reason they stay. when ur an abuse victim u don't think u r one. u just think he had a bad day, he's not always like this ext.

2 years, 8 months ago

marriage simply makes separation slightly more difficult. that can be a good thing if it makes you hold in there and work out your differences instead of simply breaking up.

it can also be a bad thing if it makes someone stay in a relationship that really should end, such as in the case of abuse.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

what's bad about marriage though? it makes it where u r legally protected for one. then if u have a kid in marriage u get to see them if u break up but if u have one outside marriage if ur the guy u will never see them.

2 years, 8 months ago

What I feel is if u have d right person both are equally good.... Everyone has different needs.. Isn't it... All the time what we see as bad is not necessarily bad for everyone..

2 years, 8 months ago

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4936928

the studies that used to say that cohabitation leads to divorce apparently failed to control for age. whether marrying or living together, coupling up too young leads to divorce, and younger people are more likely to live without marrying that older couples, thus it appears as if cohabitation leads to divorce.

when controlled for age, the rates are the same.

2 years, 8 months ago
PoliticsAsUsual
replied to...

"also that if they lived together then got married they are 4 times more likely to get a divorce. more likely to become a single parent. and married people apparently live longer."

I'd like to see the source on this. I know you said it was a class, but what book/page# did they get it from.

I'm quite certain that people who lived together before marriage will be less likely to get a divorce. I'll look up some numbers lately.

and the married people living longer is longer than who? people living with their other without marriage? or single people in general, including those who are not single by choice and are probably quite miserable. I think you'd want to test people single by choice or together and not married vs married people if you want a sensible study.

details would be nice.

2 years, 8 months ago
PsychDave
replied to...

Interesting. I'm going to look into that more. I wouldn't have thought there would be so much of a difference with divorce being so prominent, so even marriage isn't necessarily a lifelong commitment.

Not doubting that it's true, just wouldn't have thought of it.

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

(their words not mine) because marriage is legally binding. u can't just leave all of a sudden. it is also a bugger part of commitment. one of three things a relationship needs to survive. and apparently they did studies on this and that's what it shows. also that if they lived together then got married they are 4 times more likely to get a divorce. more likely to become a single parent. and married people apparently live longer. on the last one I would guess because u got somone u can rely on?idk they didn't go into detail on that one.

2 years, 8 months ago
PsychDave
replied to...

I'm curious the justification they give. It isn't really any different than being married, so why do they say it is bad?

2 years, 8 months ago
neveralone
replied to...

if by live in relationships u mean live together before marriage then no. I have a class about stuff like this that says studies show that this is a bad way to go

2 years, 8 months ago
harshita
replied to...

i mean that are the relationships should be considered legal

2 years, 8 months ago

what do you mean?

2 years, 8 months ago

it should be a way

2 years, 8 months ago
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